Most of us are familiar with the inner critic – that harsh, insistent voice that judges, blames, or tells us we are not good enough. Although it can feel deeply personal, the inner critic is often shaped by our experiences, relationships, and the beliefs we have absorbed or internalised over time. In this blog, we explore how the inner critic develops, the impact it can have on our emotional wellbeing, and how Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) can help us relate to ourselves in a kinder, healthier way.
What Exactly Is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is a pattern of selftalk that tends to be punitive, perfectionistic, and unforgiving. It may push us to work harder or avoid mistakes, but it often leaves us feeling anxious, inadequate, or ashamed. Understanding this voice as a pattern, rather than a truth, can be a powerful first step.
Where Does It Come From?
The inner critic usually develops from early experiences. Critical voices around us in caregivers, school environments, or peer feedback can all shape our internal dialogue. Even wellintentioned messages, e.g., “You must always try your best”, can morph into a harsh internal mandate i.e., “I am not doing enough”. Recognising the origins of this voice allows us to soften its grip.
How the Inner Critic Affects Mental Health
A strong inner critic is linked with increased anxiety, low mood, perfectionism, and chronic stress. Over time, it can narrow our opportunities and impact relationships. Many individuals entering therapy describe feeling “bullied by their own mind”, an experience that deserves gentle attention and support.
Challenging the Critic Doesn’t Always Work
It is tempting to try to fight or silence the inner critic, but this can often lead to an internal tugofwar. The critic may grow louder, sensing a threat to its habitual role. Therapeutic work shifts the focus away from battling the critic and towards understanding what it may be trying to protect.
The Compassionate Approach
Compassionfocused therapy (CFT) offers a nurturing alternative. Instead of engaging in selfcriticism or selfimprovement driven by fear, CFT teaches us to respond to difficulty with warmth, understanding, and encouragement. This is not about being “soft”; it is about creating inner conditions for genuine psychological safety.
Developing a Compassionate Voice
A key aim is cultivating an inner voice that speaks to us the way we might speak to a struggling friend. This compassionate voice is supportive, balanced, and realistic. It acknowledges challenges without judgement, helping us feel grounded rather than overwhelmed.
Understanding the Threat System
The inner critic often stems from our brain’s threat system – a deeply evolutionary mechanism designed to keep us safe. When activated, it triggers self-monitoring and self-protection. Therapy helps us to distinguish between moments when the threat system is genuinely needed and moments when it is simply overfiring.
Building Compassionate Awareness
Mindfulness practices can be especially helpful. By slowing down and observing our thoughts, we create space between ourselves and the critic’s narrative. This makes it possible to respond with compassion rather than react from fear or habit, which might cause more harm.
Practising SelfCompassion in Daily Life
Small changes can make a big difference. Writing compassionate letters to ourselves, soothing breathing exercises, or using grounding techniques can gradually shift the internal tone. Even just speaking to ourselves in a kinder way. Over time, people often report feeling calmer, more confident, and more resilient under pressure.
A New Relationship with Yourself
The goal is not to eliminate the inner critic, but to transform your relationship with it. When met with compassion, the critic’s intensity often reduces, and its role becomes less dominating. Many people discover a more balanced, wiser inner voice emerging from this process.
Conclusion
Learning to relate to the inner critic with compassion is a powerful and transformative process. It allows us to step out of cycles of fear and self-judgement and move towards a more nurturing and emotionally secure way of living. If you find yourself struggling with an overly harsh internal dialogue, therapy can offer a safe space to explore these patterns and develop kinder, more sustainable ways of relating to yourself.
